Top 3 Worst Vehicles - I judge you for driving these.

#3 - Mazda Miata

I can totally forgive women for driving one of these, but a man? When I see a man driving this car, usually a bald middle-ager with the top down, he's probably wearing a giant gold watch and a collared shirt. I assume he's hiding a mangina in his taupe pleated "slacks." You've seen him. Get a truck or a classic muscle car, or at least a higher end sports car, wussy boy.

#2 - Chevy HHR

What vehicle is used as a majority of rental cars? This piece of crap. I rented one of these in Tampa once and it smelled like a morbidly obese person who hadn't showered in 72 hours. If it weren't so unbelievably ugly and awful to drive I could have ignored the smell memory in future rental cars. Alas, this thing makes me want to vomit every time I see one. I actually feel sorry for the drivers of this car. It's hideous, a waste of money, and forces me to assume that you have ZERO taste. My husband and I tell rental car agents that we will drive any vehicle but this. (or my 1 and 3 picks).

#1 - Hummer (all models and colors)

Really, anything yellow scores bonus douchebaggery points, but this would be the douchebag of all douchebag vehicles, driven by a man OR a woman. I hate this vehicle with ALL my being, and if it was the last driveable thing on the face of the planet and I had to go 50 miles for food, I would walk and starve. Like, even if in Zombieland conditions, this POS could sit and rot before I would drive it. I assume that you are a total attention whore, you are tasteless, and you have to second mortgage your already overmortgaged house to pay for gas.

My Starbucks is full of douchebags

So this morning I missed my turn and thought, "It's okay, I'll just stop and get Starbucks."  My blood pressure has been seriously low lately - to the point where I had a blood draw on Wednesday and my blood was just slowly oozing out rather than spurting like it normally does.  I guess that's normal when you just feel kind of dead inside.  I thought the caffeine would do me good - and do me good, it did.  No later than I had finished the last sip of my Grande Iced Caffe Mocha, I had to run to the bathroom and go #2.  What IS it about coffee that makes you do that!?

Anyway, I walked in and noticed an inordinate amount of lovely young women inside.  Is this the official Starbucks of the cast of 90210!?  No, I'm a thousand miles away in TX.  I didn't think anything of it until I stepped up to the counter and saw an all-male ensemble of baristas.  With popped collars - ALL of them.  Hitting on every pretty young thing in there.  Ugggh.. I prayed for the chubby little girl to take my order rather than the frat boy at the other register.  Not because I'm worried about getting hit on (I'm comparatively old, married and fat, so not a worry), but I just don't want to deal with douchebags.  I have a hormone headache and a serious dread of corporate life.  The girl in front of me, Miss Beverly Hills, made her order, paid, got her receipt.  Whoo, I don't have to deal with the a$$hat.  No dice.  Miss Beverly Hills, in her stillettos and pencil skirt, makes ANOTHER order.  Something about a Red Eye with soy.  WTH is that!  And this time she pays cash.  The total is $2.38, she has $3.00.  Give the girl the $3.00.  No wait, she has change!!  She digs and digs for 38 cents.  Come on.  Meanwhile, douchebag says, "Next."  Then the coffee maker boy says, "That was an iced CHAI right? (wink wink)."  I don't have time for your shit, coffee boy!  Why is it that these situations make me HIGHLY uncomfortable??